Disciplining Your Kids Is Supposed to Hurt . . . You

There comes a time in every parent's life when she (or he) realizes the only way to truly punish her child is to punish herself. Behold:

Parent to Kid: I'm sorry, but you are getting up entirely too early on the weekends in order to watch cartoons. No more Saturday morning cartoons to you.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

Hey Newt Gingrich, It's Not the Media

It was the cranky outburst heard round the United States. CNN's Republican debate moderator John King gave Newt Gingrich the chance to respond to an ABC interview with his ex-wife, and the candidate blew up. His rant against the media for daring air his dirty laundry just a few days before the South Carolina primary vote earned its place atop viral videos for at least a day.

And it left journalists across the country heaving a big sigh and rolling our eyes.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

Your Kid Will NEVER Be Cuter Than This

There is no easy way to say this. I don't think my kid can get cuter than she is with a big gap in the top row of her teeth.

I know that's wrong in that "Oh no, here she comes, the one with the plastic sheet of photos that folds out to display 100 pictures she'll expect me to ooh and aah over" way. You'd be wrong. I keep the photos on my iPhone -- plastic is so 2002.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

The Truth That Drains You: Mothering Girls Lesson 3

Get a load of all that hair

I am not big on the comparisons between mothers. Let me make it clear: stay-at-home moms, work-at-home moms, work-outside-the-home moms -- they've all got it tough in their own ways.

But there exists a difference between parenting girls and parenting boys that cannot be ignored. I'm not talking about that thing (or lack thereof) between the legs.

But I am talking about the bathroom.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

Asking Your Kids About Their Day Is a Waste of Time

It's a rare day when a working parent can get out of work early and pick the kid up from school, and I was trying to make the most of it. "So, what did you do in school today?" I asked.

"Nothing," was the answer.

"Nothing?" I joked. "What am I sending you to this school for?"

She looked at me sideways and glared.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

Trashing Toys For the Win!

Someone help me: I let her get more.

There comes a time in every mother's life when she holds out her hand to her child and leads her into her bedroom for the biggest event of the year: the annual toy clean-out.

What does it tell you that I waited for the last week of the year and took a whole day off from work to get it done? Be afraid, folks, be very, very afraid.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

So I'm Fat: What's Your Excuse?

It's that time of year again, folks. The Christmas tree has shed enough needles that it hardly matters what size it was coming into the house; it's going out as a Charlie Brown variety. You, on the other hand, have grown like the Grinch's heart over the holiday.

Pleasantly plump going into the holidays, gargantuan going out; that's my motto.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

LEGO Goes Girly: The Real Problem

If you're starting to feel like the LEGO goes girly debate has already jumped the shark, my apologies. Because no one has hit on the real issue . . . at least not yet.

The Danish company so beloved by us parents for encouraging our kids to use their imaginations really put their foot in it this month when they unveiled the soon-to-come LEGO Friends line for girls. To whit, it looks like someone borrowed the pastel palette from the Easter M&M line and threw it all over a bunch of the bricks. And then there are the new minifigures, with back stories like "beautician" and "social butterfly."

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

Scooby Doo Can't Solve This Christmas Cookie Mystery

Ask most writers their weakest point, and we'll look right, then left, and then ruefully shake our heads. "Numbers," we'll whisper, "they just don't make sense."

My apologies to my fellow scribes. I'm not whispering. I am shouting this one from the rooftops.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

The Santa Lie Is a Reporter's Downfall

There's really just one guiding rule of journalism: tell the truth. Every other one - be unbiased, be observant - comes back to that one.

And yet, there's one time when it's officially acceptable to bust that rule. And as a proud member of the Sullivan County Democrat staff, I am prouder still to say I've done it. I've smashed it to smithereens.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

Teaching Kids to Read Is an Epic Mistake

When they tell you about the day your child finally learns to read, it's always in glowing terms. They use words that, honestly, your kid won't actually get right away. Stuff like pride! Heart 'a blazing. Satisfaction!

And they're right. Of course they are. Generations of kids have learned to read before yours, and yet the first time they perfectly pronounce the name on a billboard, you will preen like they're the very first to get it so soon. Even you couldn't have been such a prodigy when you were a kid.

Now here is what they don't tell you.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

Curse the Day Lalaloopsy Was 'Born'

It never fails. The big toys are packed away in the corner of the attic, the stocking stuffers are squirreled in a closet. And then she makes an announcement.

"I want X for Christmas."

Needless to say, attic and closet are positively brimming with L,M, Q and even Y. There may be an A in there, possibly an E . . . things are packed so tightly in there it's hard to tell anymore.

But alas there's no X.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump