Pissed Off Mom At a Concert Says Stop Pissing On Kids

The first rule of concert lawn seating.
Don’t step on the 5-year-old’s stuff.
Second rule of concert lawn seating?
When you do step on 5-year-old’s stuff, you apologize.
Especially if it’s her $5 hot dog.
And her kettle corn.
And you smushed them both unrecognizable with your 20-something feet.
If you fail to follow the rules?
Count yourself lucky that 5-year-olds are both fairly forgiving and not as tempted as their parents to chase you down.
If you insist on choosing the path through a family’s blanket rather than walking 2 feet to the right to cross the open grass, how about stopping for a chat with the 5-year-old?
She might teach you a thing or two.
This, after all, is the 5-year-old, who will look over at her mother in indignation and announce, “Somebody messed up my stuff. You don’t mess up other people’s stuff.”
She’s too small to reach the counter to buy her own hot dog.
But she’s got more street smarts than you.
And better manners.
In this case, the height is a distinct advantage. If you can’t reach the counter they don’t bother asking you for ID. They just don’t serve you alcohol.
It’s hard to slosh beer on people when you don’t have any.
Or when you can’t stretch your legs over their shoulders.
Which brings us to rule number three of concert lawn seating.
Five-year-olds do not enjoy the moment they find their head stuck between your thighs as you step over them.
They are not low lying fence posts.
They have noses.
Which you’ve just brushed with your sweaty basketball shorts.
Stand up. Pull off your shorts.
Put them to your nose.
How’s it smell?
Sort of like a smushed hot dog mixed with a 5-year-old’s tears?
Now you’re getting it.
And now for the good news.
She enjoyed the show despite you.
She danced. She sang. She ate Oma’s stash of extra food.
She demanded a replay of the songs in the car, tunes to fall asleep to.
And she’d forgotten the worst of it by morning.
You’re lucky you messed with her; not her mother.

Comments

  1. What concert was it that you went to?

  2. I saw this article in the paper and couldn't help but wonder what concert you went to…? As a mother I undertsnad your frustration but I have 3 children and I haven't gone to a concert with them besides the Yo Gabba Gabba concert. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't have tried the Blue Grass Jamboree or something a little quiter than their usual line up of country or rock concerts. I am interested to know which one you went to.

  3. @ Anon — it was the Boston Pops with Idina Menzel, and we were one the lawn where the kids could dance (BW let kids in free to try to make it a family event). Other than this moron, it was a great time! I'd recommend taking the kids to the Pops!

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