The Truth That Drains You: Mothering Girls Lesson 3

Get a load of all that hair

I am not big on the comparisons between mothers. Let me make it clear: stay-at-home moms, work-at-home moms, work-outside-the-home moms — they’ve all got it tough in their own ways.

But there exists a difference between parenting girls and parenting boys that cannot be ignored. I’m not talking about that thing (or lack thereof) between the legs.

But I am talking about the bathroom.

First, a disclaimer of sorts, lest I start some sort of mommy war. I am fortunate enough not to have to clean up the dribbles and drabs that come from little boys — and big boys for that matter — who have yet to get a handle on how to aim at the toilet. I raise a rubber glove in salute at the mothers of all those males out there who breathe in through the mouth as they tackle the urine stains.

But even as I see your pee pee problem, I raise you my hairy situation.

See, I have a girl. A girly girl. And with that comes looooooooong blond hair.

And what happens to loooooong hair? After all these years of shaving the head, I confess I’d forgotten. But the every-few-months major overhaul of the bathroom cleared it right up for me.

When your daughter has long hair, she sheds. And when your daughter sheds, it goes down your drain. And when it goes down your drain, well, presto, change-o, the process that used to take just a few minutes of the old-fashioned baking soda/vinegar trick that brought you back to your middle school science days is now a 15-minute vomit-inducing ordeal.

I have to pull it out of there, one gunk-covered strand at a time.

Just thinking about what that hair has collected (ahem, toothpaste, mouthwash-removed plaque and tartar, loogies . . . never mind, I can’t go on) leaves me dry heaving.

Here’s wishing little girls really were made of sugar and spice. At least that would dissolve in water.

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