3 Perfectly Acceptable Reasons to Disown Your Own Child

Game over

Recently I wrote a piece for The Stir about some complete moron who disowned his son for being gay. I wanted to really hand it to him, but I was nice. I said that there is never a reason to disown  your own child.

I meant it.

Sort of.

Because I think there are reasons that fall under the “It’s OK to disown your own child” category, and I’m going to list them here. I dare you to disagree:

1. If she watches The Princess Bride with her babysitter and fails to see the genius behind William Goldman’s amazing screenplay. That anyone would not instantly fall in love like Westley with Buttercup is inconceivable.

2. You make, from scratch, her very favorite meal, which requires slaving over the stove on a blazing hot day. It is finally complete, and she informs you that “This time I didn’t want breadcrumbs on my mac and cheese.” Retreat to the air conditioned portion of the house and start re-writing your will my friends.

3. She tells you she wants to be any of the following when she grows up: a televangelist, a drug dealer, a Virginia Cavalier.

OK, go ahead, add ’em … what’s your breaking point with your kids?

Disclaimer: Yes, this is satire. I have no intention of ever disowning the child who I love and adore. I shouldn’t have to point that out, but this is the Internet. ‘Nuff said.

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  1. Placing STILL FOLDED clean clothes in the hamper to be washed.

  2. Oh man, if she can't appreciate good classic music like Rush..she's gone.

  3. Oh my God, Jen, she'd be Audi 5000!

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