I never thought I’d see the day when I wanted to kiss the delivery man for bringing me toilet parts. That day has arrived, and no, I didn’t kiss him. I didn’t need a sexual harassment suit lumped onto the already rough week we’ve been having.
I’ll spare you the stinky details, but suffice it to say, our toilet hasn’t exactly been working. The answer to the problem is in a box shipped to us from Texas. Only it felt more like the shipment left Timbuktu by camel. Did I mention we live in a house where the toilet is on the fritz?
This is the life of a homeowner. You get oddly emotional when you open a box to find toilet guts inside.
And that’s not all. You know you’re a homeowner when …
2. You cry when you find out the person you hired to paint your bedroom while you were on vacation didn’t actually do it because this means YOU have to paint it.
3. You have had nightmares about the groundhog in the backyard coming to get you for filling his hole under your shed with rocks and broken glass (but it’s kept him away!).
4. Your favorite weekend of the year is the town’s free spring cleaning drop-off. It’s only JUST edges out the fall dump days.
5. Your top Google searches include “how to make a toilet stop running,” “how to fix a dryer light” and “why is there always so much cat hair under the fridge?”
6. You describe your fridge as “vintage” because it sounds better than “I’m really trying to make this thing last as long as possible because I just had to spend money fixing my roof and can’t afford a new one.”
7. You’ve debated whether the mold problem is really THAT serious.
8. You have entire rooms you don’t use because it would cost too darn much to heat them.
9. You WOULD hang those photos of your daughter on the wall but then there would be more holes …
10. You haven’t read a real magazine in weeks, but you have the Pottery Barn catalog memorized (and pages folded down).
11. When you wake up early on a Saturday morning all you want to do is move the stove out and clean behind it.
12. You have tried to figure out how to add another bathroom to your house at least 167 times since you bought it.
13. Your Labor Day weekend is spent painting and spackling …
Are you a homeowner? What would you add?
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