Why Doesn’t Anyone Tell You This BEFORE You Adopt a Puppy?

The Sager household has been turned upside down in the past week. His name is Sawyer, and the vet says he’s a walker hound. We got him at a local shelter (Let’s hear it for shelter dogs! Woof, Woof, Woof!).

I’m already in love. He likes to bring all 45 pounds and long, gangly legs up onto the couch so he can lay across me, one paw resting possessively on me like, “Hey, back off you cats, she’s mine. Yeah, I’m talking ’bout you, you grey ball of fur.”

And if you’ve never been up close and personal with the luxuriousness that is a hound’s ears, let me just tell you, you have not yet lived.

But can we talk about all the things they don’t tell you before you adopt a puppy?

It’s been almost 10 years since we went down this route. In fact, the older dog just turned 10, hence the sudden need (yes, that’s what I’m calling it) to bring a second canine into the fam. Let me tell you, I was woefully unprepared.

We did the whole “meet the kid” then “meet the family dog” bit. But let’s just look at what we didn’t do:

1. Invest in a paper towel company. And a bleach-making company. I try to be as green as can be with my baking soda drain clog busters and my big pile of rags. But when a dog takes a leak right in the middle of your hallway, all you want to do is use a bottle of some caustic chemical to get rid of that horrific smell and then throw the towels used to mop it all up directly in the garbage.

2. Remove all rugs from your house. We are lucky enough not to have carpet (after heaven knows how much time spent down on our hands and knees removing it all after we moved in). Unfortunately we are dumb enough to have a lot of area rugs. Which smell really bad when they get peed on. The good news is that rug that IKEA said needs to be dry cleaned has made it through both washer and dryer at least three times so far this week. Liars!

3. Come to terms with how “old” our old dog really is. I knew she was 10, alright? I remember when she was just this 9 weeks old and all legs and desperately in need of a home after some jerk left a bunch of puppies under a house. I know she’s started to carry a little extra weight and she actually sleeps in the bed with us at night instead of bouncing all over us. But still … why didn’t anyone tell me she was old? Why did it take watching her try to chase after a 1 1/2-year-old Mr. Legs to see it? She came in from just that one run and looked at me like, “Man, I’m pooped. If you need me, I’ll be sleeping for the next week. K. Thx. Bye.” This is not good for my heart.

4. Get rid of the kid’s toys. See, some people would just suggest getting the kid to put her toys away. And I would laugh in said people’s faces because, hello, have you met my kid? If Pigpen and a Hoarder had baby, well … (Not sure who I am in that equation). Sadly we did get her to clean her entire playroom. It was one of those days which we’ll celebrate for years to come. And then the pup wandered in there, grabbed Orange Blossom out of the bin by her leg and tried to make off with her. The playroom door is now closed. Along with the door to upstairs. And the door to the guest room. And the door to downstairs. This place is becoming a bitch to heat.

Alright, give it to me, what did I miss? What other surprises are awaiting me?

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