You'll Never Use Another Brush Again

OK, first up, I know you're wondering why a woman who has no hair is writing an ode to a hairbrush. First up, the Knot Genie is not "just" a hairbrush. Second: my kid has hair, alright?

It's luscious hair, all perfect honey blond and straight with just that eensiest bit of wave that makes it fall perfectly down her back.

Yeah, I'm jealous of my kid's hair, alright? If I had hair like that, I'd actually HAVE hair (well, maybe).

But does she appreciate it? Seriously? She's 7. She appreciates new Littlest Pet Shops magically appearing in the shopping cart. Hair, and anything associated with it, is on par with a torture far surpassing even the sunscreen test.

Until the Knot Genie entered the picture.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

Because Apparently Rodents Are Adorable?

A mouse? Really?

When I tell people I have a paralyzing fear of rodents, they look at me like I'm stating the obvious. I know what they're thinking, "Of COURSE you don't like them. No one actually likes mice and rats."

Except when I say paralyzing fear, I mean I can't even watch the movie Ratatouille without getting a case of the creepy crawlies. And they're cartoon rats!

Not to mention someone actually does like mice and rats. Kids.

I know, right?

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

The Only Thing Worse Than Jeans Shopping?

I used to think that clothes shopping was the worst of the bunch. I live in envy of people who can order a pair of shoes in "their" size and poof, like magic they fit. And don't even get me started on jeans.

But no, it's all been topped.

Back-to-school shopping nearly did me in. It took three stores just to complete one list. Three stores!

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

Back to School Giveaway: Pirate's Booty Lunch Packs

Arr! Back to school has me in a tizzy. I still have most of my daughter's supply list to actually shop for (no shaming me ... we at least have a backpack!).

The good news is we are re-using the lunch bag we bought when she was in kindergarten AND the water bottles I snagged in a Totsy sale last year.

And ... after my ode to Pirate's Booty the other day, I've got a start on the eats she'll need. And the good news is you can be ahead of the game to ... Pirate Brands is giving two Inside Out readers two Pirate’s Booty Aged White Cheddar half-ounce 12-packs (that’s a total of 24 half-ounce bags – enough for a month’s worth of school lunches!) and some fun pirate swag.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

Brave DVD Release Date Squeaks In JUST In Time

It's official!

Happiness for a 7-year-old is finding out the movie you have been begging your mother to buy for you since you saw it in the theater will be out a month and a half BEFORE Christmas ... so maybe she'll buy it "just because" instead of waiting to put it under the tree.

Yes, I'm talking about Brave.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

Babysitter Don't Play

Now that's how you PLAY with kids

We recently had to fire a babysitter. She'd been like part of the family, and it was traumatic, so I won't get into the nitty gritty.

But as you always do in hindsight, I have realized I should have seen the writing on the wall earlier this summer.

She told me my daughter was "so much better" on a playdate. You know, with other kids. As in, the kid was "good" when she wasn't actually asking the sitter to play with her.

See it? Writing. On the motha' truckin'. Wall.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

Natural Gas Drilling Has Put a Giant Target on My Back

If there's one thing I can say about natural gas drilling without turning my head into a giant target, it's this: talking about gas drilling is turning you into a giant target.

Is it the biggest issue that western Sullivan County has faced in the past decade or so? In many ways, yes. It's one that we'd be fools to ignore. We must talk about it. We must prepare for what is to come.

And yet, the division that's come of simply talking about the threat of fracking in our midst forces just one question: are we still in junior high school?

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

'Healthy Junk Food' Exists & It's Good for Our Kids

The box full of Pirate's Booty was supposed to celebrate the new way the company is making parents' lives easier. The melt-in-your-mouth corn puffs now come in little baggies, perfect for your lunch.

I admit I did a little dance. And not just because it was free (little blogger disclaimer there!).

Yes, I'm one of the parents who has embraced Pirate's Booty. I suppose you could say I "got hooked." And now that it's more convenient, well, I've fallen hook ... line and sinker. And this blog post comes because I'm learning I have to share that. I have to tell people that I'm OK with my kid eating a snack or two.

It's part of a struggle that began when she was born to give my kid the chance to live a life free of the disordered eating that has defined mine.

I don't want to deny her snacks. I just want to make them slightly better than what I had ... and make sure they don't take control of her mind as it wanders during math class, her mouth beginning to salivate over the promise of what's waiting in the lunch box.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

3 Perfectly Acceptable Reasons to Disown Your Own Child

Game over

Recently I wrote a piece for The Stir about some complete moron who disowned his son for being gay. I wanted to really hand it to him, but I was nice. I said that there is never a reason to disown  your own child.

I meant it.

Sort of.

Because I think there are reasons that fall under the "It's OK to disown your own child" category, and I'm going to list them here. I dare you to disagree:

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

Hey Shutterbug: Will Your Kids Even Remember You?

It was a minor miracle, but it happened. We got a family photo.

It's not fancy. I still have to book an actual photo sitting with a professional photographer. Being one myself, I already have one picked out. It will happen one day. It MUST happen one day.

Because to look at my child's memory books is to wonder where the heck I am.

There's me in the photo at her birth, taken by the doctor who delivered her.

There are a few from our Disney vacation, for which we paid through the nose (and during which she cried ... because that's what tired 4-year-olds do when their parents are really counting on them behaving).

There's one from a birthday party, taken by a friend.

And then ... well, I'm trying to think. Can you smell the smoke?

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

Pinterest Saved the American Girl Doll & My Wallet

We bought the American Girl doll in a moment of weakness. I didn't think I'd ever spend ... can I put this in neon flashing lights please? ... $100 on a friggin doll.

But we did.

We were in New York City. It was Valentine's Day weekend. It was FEBRUARY in New York City, and the wind was a whipping right up Fifth Avenue. She spotted the American Girl store. And the rest, as they say, empties your wallet of $100 for the doll, and then the $19.95 for the hair stuff, and now we're getting catalogs.

And she honestly loves this thing ... LOVES this thing. Re-named Sarah (don't ask), she carries her to bed, around town, everywhere. It's been several years, and she's still going strong.

But anyway.

The problem has been her hair.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

I Went Katy Perry Pink to Fight Childhood Cancer

Pink ... with 'tude

It's easy to forget your hair is pink. It's up on top of my head, not right in front of my face!

And then I notice someone staring at me, staring, usually, at the top of my head. And I remember. Sometimes they're rude. Sometimes they're curious. Those are the ones I like the best.

I lean over and explain.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

The Lorax: Who Invited the Furry Peanut?

Chillin' with The Lorax at BlogHer '12

By now, I've come to accept that my family is a little on the weird side. I consider it one of our finer points. But mine can't be the only family that rates a movie's worth by whether it gives us quotes that will be repeated ad infinitum, can we?  

It's not a conscious thing. In fact, I didn't realize it until I caught my daughter walking around asking "Who invited the furry peanut?"

It's from The Lorax, which, by the way, comes out on DVD and Blu-Ray today. I'd gotten a copy from the studios because I'm a blogger, and she watched the movie with her babysitter last week while I got work done ... and before I knew it, she had a flurry of new comments to utter at random moments before bursting into a fit of giggles.

I should have known it would start a spurt of quoting.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump

Kids Can Be A-Holes In Any Language

Another face ...

The first thing I noticed about her was her dress. It looked like a rainbow, each ruffle a different color.

And then I noticed the look on her face. She was completely consumed by the pout.

My college French was not enough to decipher what her mother was saying to put that sour look on her puss.

But as the little rainbow girl spat back the words, "Non, non, non!" every question I had was answered.

Keep Reading AFTER the Jump