Hoarders: 7-Year-Old Edition


I wouldn’t call myself a hoarder. Sure, my dining room table looks like a bomb went off. That I call motherhood, not hoarding. I have time to sweep the floors and clean the toilet and hang out with my kid on weekends. That’s just about as much as the clock gives me.

As for my 7-year-old, well, let’s just say if you saw the Homeland Security threat warning wavering on Sunday, an empty bag of Goldfish crackers may have been the trigger.

I wanted to throw it out. She insisted we keep it because, hey, you never know when she might need it.

The same goes for that 2-inch strip of Hello Kitty duct tape. And the dried out marker. And don’t get me started on the pile of empty egg cartons. They might be good for a craft some day.

This was my Sunday afternoon: trying to negotiate the release of junk held hostage by a 7-year-old with a taste for crafting. We got one whole garbage bag out of there, but I didn’t have the heart to go on.

More From Inside Out: If Your Kid Is Too Crafty For Her Own Good, You’re Welcome

Her mother will never be Martha Stewart, but she’s working toward it, one cardboard carton at a time.

How could I deny the world the next Martha? She may find a way to turn that Goldfish bag into THE perfect doily, and then where will we all be?

Hello, my name is Jeanne Sager, and one day you’ll see my house on an episode of Hoarders. They’ll be able to skip right past the living room, the dining room, even the kitchen.

The playroom has everything a reality TV show producer focused on filth dreams of. Toy trucks missing their wheels. Stuffed animals missing their noses (what can I say? we have a puppy). And a desk loaded down with everything that could ever be crafted.

Make me feel better … this is normal, right. Right?

Are you raising the next Hoarders star?


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  2. My 9 year old is not exactly a hoarder in the way that he doesn’t want us to throw away stuff so he can craft with it. Instead, he’s a ‘sneak and hide’ kid. He’ll find candy, cookies, even a pack of marinade, and slip it off to his room until he can find time to eat it, though I’m not sure what he was going to do with the marinade. And besides the marinade, I’ve found other odd things like a piece of cheese that was so warm you could tel it had been there a few days. He doesn’t stop only at food, either. If we have a charger, hand held game system, or other item to go missing when we thought we knew where it was, we search his room first because he doesn’t care if he knows what it is sometimes. He even sneaks stuff to school when he can. We try to stop him but we can’t find a punishment that works.

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