If You Have Something to Eat & Don’t Photograph It, Will People Like You More?

cookiesCellphone owners of the world, it’s time we have a talk. The world has granted you this amazing thing called a cameraphone, and suddenly you’ve gone from “point and what now?” to Ansel Adams.

It is exhilarating to know that anywhere, anytime, you can manage to snag photographic evidence that a waiter just brought food out of the kitchen and right to your very table. Remembering a time you actually just picked up that panini and took a bite before whipping out the phone is like trying to recall what it was like slowly unspooling your beloved Thriller cassette from the tape deck after you forgot to take it before a frost moved in.

Pure. Agony!

So why go there, really?

It’s the new millennium, and there are apps to add filters and apps to stitch four photos together and apps that have it on good authority that your brother’s girlfriend’s uncle will be dying to know you have a corn on your big toe. The photo opps are just there for the taking!

I wouldn’t want to put you in a box when you’re just getting your crazy glittery unicorn on, you crazy kid!

Besides, it isn’t the shooting I have a problem with. It’s the sharing.

Because that photo you labeled “biscuits and gravy?” Well, from the “creative” angle you shot it at, it looked more like what happens after your 3-year-old’s biscuits and gravy repeats on him.

Which is what almost happened to my own eats after I spotted the shot on my Instagram feed. But what’s a little vomit among friends, really?

I suppose I should expect nothing less from the photographer behind arroz con aaaaaaaahh, kill it before it reproduces.

Was that supposed to be chicken? Maybe you’ll avoid the “fix bad lighting by making it look like a creature from the black lagoon” filter next time?

You know the one I’m talking about. You used it on that photo of your sister’s baby that even she agreed looked like a kid only a mother would love if you tied a steak around its neck.

Here’s the thing. You have a camera, and you take photographs, and so you can just go on thinking you’re a photographer.

Just leave us out of it.


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