The Things You Find When You’re a Mom

mangled doll handI was doing laundry when I found it. Five mangled fingers. One dainty wrist. And not much more.

Sighing, I picked it off my husband’s shirt, and chucked it into the playroom. I knew I’d never hear the end of it if I threw out Barbies hand.

Just days earlier I’d found her – torso and head intact, but without hands or anything below the knee – and suggested it was time she be retired. The response was shock, horror, outrage.

I got the picture.

Make that, I have been getting the picture.

If you live in a house with kids (and in our case, dogs), you have no choice but to become immune to the oddball and bizarre.

A doll hanging, upside down by her one foot, from the towel bar? Saw it. Left it there for three days until it came down when I wasn’t looking and never again resurfaced.

A small figurine laying on the bathroom counter, its head separate from its neck by at least an inch? My only query was whether it could be glued back together. When I realized it could not, I swept it off the counter and into the garbage can.

I sound like a cool mom, don’t I? The “nothing fazes her” mom? Good, at least I have somebody fooled!

I am not the cool mom (sorry kid!).

doll hangingWhen I found the naked dolls neck deep in water in my favorite sauce pot, I wondered for a moment if I should lock my bedroom door at night. But all it took was one question to ascertain that this was a pool party, and the sole reason the dolls were unclad was because she didn’t want to ruin their dresses. Fair enough.

My momentary freak out over what amounted to an innocent bit of fun in my cookware taught me an important lesson. Kids are weird, but they’re not THAT weird.

I’ve come to accept mangled hands as proof that a Barbie was left too close to the dog, beheaded figurines as evidence that toy quality has gone downhill, and dolls dangling from the towel bar as, well, I still haven’t figured that one out.

All that said: my home may be full of carnival freakshow worthy oddities, but it’s all good, clean fun… especially when I don’t catch the chewed up dolls before they hit the washing machine.

What is the oddest thing YOU have found around the house?


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