These days, pregnancy announcements are being created with the intent of going viral. So when I came across an article I wrote 10 years ago, an article that introduced my pregnancy to my entire town via the newspaper … well, I had to laugh … and of course, I had to share it. Here’s how I announced my pregnancy to the whole town back in 2004:
Anyone who’s ever told me “this is off the record” knows I can keep a secret.
But I never knew some secrets would be so hard to keep. The concept is simple – just keep your mouth SHUT!
I was fine for a day or two – I felt like I was wrapped up in this secret that was keeping me snug as a bug in a rug. I was quite literally shrouded in mystery.
But we live in a town where the word is on the street before it’s made it across your living room. I should have known no secret was safe in Callicoon.
I guess I was feeding people clues left and right. I stopped the caffeine. I threw the diet out the window – or, at least, hefted it to the sill – I’m really not supposed to lift things, you know.
I started whining about my hips constantly and threatening to find denim-colored sweatpants that I could wear to the office.
I was tired – all of the time – and my brain seemed to have taken a vacation. (What do I mean “was”? I AM tired all the time, and the brain is just about shot!)
If you thought that was all just a bit of my zaniness, it must have been the Saltines that did it for you.
Yes, that omnipresent sleeve of the world’s plainest crackers which I toted in one hand, a bottle of fruity-flavored antacids in the other.
Couple this with having a family the size of the Waltons, each with their own circle of friends and their own Eschenberg-sized mouth, and you’ll see I had no hope.
It was share or be shared.
I got a call at the office from a firefighter on a matter related to work – but he greeted me with a “congratulations.”
“Huh?” I asked. “How did you know?” He summed it up in a sentence better than I could in this whole column – “It’s Callicoon; you tell one person, you might as well tell them all!”
So I’ve begun tracing the tale of the tongue, if you will.
My 17-year-old brother, tickled pink at the idea of being an uncle, has ensured that all of the school district knew the news.
And with two uncles on the town highway department, it’s not hard to fathom how the entire highway crew and the fire department knew within minutes.
I truly didn’t have to do a thing!
Before anyone starts apologizing, I’ll admit I don’t mind having my news be known the world over.
But I’m the reporter, and I’ve been scooped on the biggest tale of my life!
I guess that’s what I get for trying to keep a secret.
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