It’s OK to Say Puppies Are Like Babies … Yes, Really

puppy-dog-eyesWhen it comes to people and puppies, there are three camps.

First there are the “eh, puppies are not babies” people. They tend not to be that loud, but you will recognize them by the fact that they smell just like your average human.

Next, and wildly vocal, are the “my puppy is my baby” people. You’ll recognize them by the dog hair that flakes off their shoulders like dandruff, their inane use of terms like “furkid, and the eau de wet pooch scent that surrounds them.

And last, but certainly not inclined to let you think they are least, are the parents of human children. Being one, I can tell you that they’re usually recognizable by their haggard appearance and their repeated pronouncements that 18 years with no sleep is torture. Depending on the age of their not-so-furry-kid, they smell faintly of either vomit or chicken nuggets. In case you haven’t already guessed, they are vehemently opposed to the idea that a puppy and a human child could be considered to be anything but opposites.

After all, would you put a human child in a crate overnight? Or leave a 6-month-old human home alone for any amount of time? Call your son with the words “come here boy”? Allow a child to eat out of a bowl on the floor (OK, let’s not include that one time your kid was pretending to BE a dog when you answer that one)?

Clearly puppies are nothing like children.

Except … they kind of are.

Hold up. No need to call CPS. I’m not about to strap a collar around my kid’s neck and cash in her college fund for kibble.

But it’s as someone who has been through the angst and agony of the early parenting years that I feel like I can tell you, without some amount of certainty, that there are times I feel like the four-legged creature in my house has thrust me backward.

Behold all the ways puppies really are at least a little bit like babies:

  1. They’re both prone to fits of crying right as you’re about to hit your REM cycle.
  2. Whether you call it potty training or housebreaking, you’re still in for a period of time when you’re trying to convince them to pee in one spot while they’re intent on peeing in another.
  3. If they find a piece of paper, they will tear the piece of paper in 1,000 little pieces, about 978 of which they will attempt to eat.
  4. They believe licking is an appropriate greeting.
  5. They love cats. Cats typically do not return the feeling.
  6. Every sniffle has you wondering, should I call the doctor? Will they think I’m one of THOSE moms if I call for the third time today?
  7. Any and all farting in the house is blamed on them. About 40 percent is theirs.
  8. You find yourself gazing at them at odd moments thinking, “Wow, they’re lucky they’re cute.”
  9. If you get them to fall asleep on you, you will do anything in your power not to move for the next three hours.

 

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